By now, he's used to closing his eyes and hearing his voice. He's used to the memories and the laughing. He's used to the images of what he's done, and what he wanted to do but was stopped. And now it's gotten to the point where he's not sure where he starts and where Joker begins, and that's most likely the worst part of it all. Combined now with other memories that came up when he was in New Hampshire, and everything seems to have gotten a million times worse.
Then there's also the pesky memory of being shot point blank. A shot that should have killed him, a shot by someone who was a friend (and possibly foe in the other life, he could never really tell),and yet somehow he survived.
It throws him into isolation again, locking himself in his apartment, triple bolting the door. It's not to keep everyone else out, it's to keep himself in because he can't trust himself anymore. He can't trust what he turns into in the one week that he can't remember. He's told that no one can bring him out when Joker is around, no one can break through to Joe, and that's what makes him dangerous. The only person who could before is Bennett, but he's skipped town, and even him being able to break through to Joe only lasted once.
Of course, it was that one time that helped that also helped to make it so Joe didn't kill Bennett while under Joker's control, but even Joe understands the reasons to get out of town -- especially if it means that your best friend isn't going to try to kill you once a month.
Still, it's not easy. It gets worse, knowing that Joe doesn't have much of anyone that he can rely on to pull out his 'good' side when Joker is around. Joker all so easily takes control, or so Joe assumes, when he wakes up to piles of cash, weapons, and random truck stop hats. It doesn't take long for Joe to put the pieces together, to know that he was somehow involved in the bank robberies and the gun store robberies across the country, even though there is no logical way that he can be in two places at once. But now he's got piles of cash and jewels, he's got guns stashed away everywhere in his apartment, and suddenly everything just seems so small. His apartment seems small, his life seems small, his world seems small.
Small, and suffocating and Joe isn't sure how much more of this he can take. How much longer will it be before he just goes completely insane? How much longer will it be before Joker is around all the time? Joe already knows it's possible, as two of his friends already experience being two people at all times. It's only a matter of time before it happens to him, before his life is completely taken over, before he goes insane and Joker completely wins.
Because that's the worst part of it, isn't it? Knowing that in the end, Joe is going to lose. He knows that, and he hates to accept it, but he has. All Joe has to do is just look around his apartment. Look around at all the traps he knows that are just waiting for him. Look around for all the guns that are hidden (and not hidden) away. Look around for the cash, and the suits that have all been replaced, and the menacing notes that are left each and every time.
All he has to do is remember the man who came to his apartment, who ended up killing himself while laughing in the middle of the street because Joe wouldn't admit that he was the man's boss. That he wouldn't admit that he was Joker. It doesn't matter how much Joe fights. With no one to pull Joe out to the forefront when Joker is around, there isn't going to be a fair fight. There won't even be a fight at all.
Joe knows that Joker is going to win. And since Joe thinks that, Joker's already won. And he's not even around to laugh maniacally at the victory.
But Joe can imagine what it sounds like perfectly.
Then there's also the pesky memory of being shot point blank. A shot that should have killed him, a shot by someone who was a friend (and possibly foe in the other life, he could never really tell),and yet somehow he survived.
It throws him into isolation again, locking himself in his apartment, triple bolting the door. It's not to keep everyone else out, it's to keep himself in because he can't trust himself anymore. He can't trust what he turns into in the one week that he can't remember. He's told that no one can bring him out when Joker is around, no one can break through to Joe, and that's what makes him dangerous. The only person who could before is Bennett, but he's skipped town, and even him being able to break through to Joe only lasted once.
Of course, it was that one time that helped that also helped to make it so Joe didn't kill Bennett while under Joker's control, but even Joe understands the reasons to get out of town -- especially if it means that your best friend isn't going to try to kill you once a month.
Still, it's not easy. It gets worse, knowing that Joe doesn't have much of anyone that he can rely on to pull out his 'good' side when Joker is around. Joker all so easily takes control, or so Joe assumes, when he wakes up to piles of cash, weapons, and random truck stop hats. It doesn't take long for Joe to put the pieces together, to know that he was somehow involved in the bank robberies and the gun store robberies across the country, even though there is no logical way that he can be in two places at once. But now he's got piles of cash and jewels, he's got guns stashed away everywhere in his apartment, and suddenly everything just seems so small. His apartment seems small, his life seems small, his world seems small.
Small, and suffocating and Joe isn't sure how much more of this he can take. How much longer will it be before he just goes completely insane? How much longer will it be before Joker is around all the time? Joe already knows it's possible, as two of his friends already experience being two people at all times. It's only a matter of time before it happens to him, before his life is completely taken over, before he goes insane and Joker completely wins.
Because that's the worst part of it, isn't it? Knowing that in the end, Joe is going to lose. He knows that, and he hates to accept it, but he has. All Joe has to do is just look around his apartment. Look around at all the traps he knows that are just waiting for him. Look around for all the guns that are hidden (and not hidden) away. Look around for the cash, and the suits that have all been replaced, and the menacing notes that are left each and every time.
All he has to do is remember the man who came to his apartment, who ended up killing himself while laughing in the middle of the street because Joe wouldn't admit that he was the man's boss. That he wouldn't admit that he was Joker. It doesn't matter how much Joe fights. With no one to pull Joe out to the forefront when Joker is around, there isn't going to be a fair fight. There won't even be a fight at all.
Joe knows that Joker is going to win. And since Joe thinks that, Joker's already won. And he's not even around to laugh maniacally at the victory.
But Joe can imagine what it sounds like perfectly.